Crazy Sherlock Star Trek Crossover…Started my day discussing fanculture, and I broke. Thanks freind – you know who you are, and this goes to show you are not alone! :)

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Sherlock’s Brain
Stardate: 5431.4
Original Airdate: April 15, 2013

[Bridge]

(221B Baker Street is at Red Alert as an alien vessel approaches them.)
MOLLY: Phaser banks standing by, sir.
ANDERSON: Range forty three thousand and closing.
LESTRADE: What do you read, Sherlock?
SHERLOCK: Configuration unidentified. Ion propulsion, high velocity, though of a unique technology.
LESTRADE: Any contact, Mrs. Hudson?
MRS. HUDSON: Hailing on all frequencies, sir. All languages have been attempted. No response. Now using standard interstellar symbols.
LESTRADE: Keep trying.
MRS. HUDSON: Aye, sir.
LESTRADE: Magnification ten, Mister Anderson.
ANDERSON: Aye, sir. Thirty eight thousand and closing.
LESTRADE: Well, Sergeant Donovan?
SGT DONOVAN: It beats me, but isn’t she a beauty?
LESTRADE: Interesting design.
SGT DONOVAN: I’ve never seen anything like her. And ion propulsion at that. They could teach us a thing or two.
LESTRADE: Life forms, Sherlock?
SHERLOCK: One. Cumberbabe or similar. Low level of activity. Life-support systems functioning. Interior atmosphere, conventional nitrogen-oxygen. Instruments indicate a transferal beam emanating from the area of the humanoid life form.
LESTRADE: Directed at what?
SHERLOCK: Directed at the Bridge of the 221B Baker Street, Sherlock.
LESTRADE: Security guard.
MRS. HUDSON: Security guard to the Bridge.
(A woman materializes and smiles at them.)
LESTRADE: I’m DI Greg Lestrade. This is the Starship 221B Baker Street.
(The security guards rush in, she presses a button on her wrist band, the power goes off and everyone collapses. Then the same happens to the crew all over the ship. The woman walks over to Sherlock, and puts her hand on his head.)
(Later – after the opening titles – the power comes back on and everyone wakes up again.)
MOLLY: What happened?
LESTRADE: Helm status, Molly.
MOLLY: No change from last reading, sir.
LESTRADE: Condition reports from all decks, Mrs. Hudson.
MRS. HUDSON: Aye, sir.
LESTRADE: Sherlock. Where’s Sherlock?
WATSON [OC]: Lestrade! Lestrade!
LESTRADE: Yes, what is it?

[Watson’s office]

WATSON: You’d better come down to Sickbay

[Bridge]

WATSON [OC]: Right now.
LESTRADE: All right. On my way.
MRS. HUDSON: Deck five. Personnel, no damage.

[Sickbay]

(Sherlock is lying on a biobed, with a bandage around his head and life-support equipment over his torso.)
WATSON: Now.
SAWYER: Functioning.
WATSON: Thank God.
LESTRADE: Sherlock. What happened?
SAWYER: I found him on the table.
LESTRADE: Like this?
WATSON: No, not like this.
LESTRADE: What happened?
WATSON: I don’t know.
LESTRADE: You’ve got him on complete life support. Was he dead?
WATSON: He was worse than dead.
LESTRADE: What do you mean?
WATSON: Lestrade.
LESTRADE: Come on, Sacker. What’s the mystery?
WATSON: His brain is gone.
LESTRADE: His what?
WATSON: It’s been removed surgically.
LESTRADE: How could he survive?
WATSON: It’s the greatest technical job I’ve ever seen. Every nerve ending in the brain must’ve been neatly sealed. Nothing ripped, nothing torn, no bleeding. It’s a medical miracle.
LESTRADE: If his brain is missing, then Sherlock is dying.
WATSON: No. That incredible British physique hung on until the life-support cycle took over. His body lives. The autonomic functions continue. But there is no mind.
LESTRADE: That girl.
SGT DONOVAN: Aye.
WATSON: What girl?
LESTRADE: From that ship. She took it. I don’t know why, or where, but she must have taken it. Sacker, how long can you keep him functioning?
WATSON: I can’t give you any guarantee.
LESTRADE: That’s not good enough, Doctor.
WATSON: If it happened to any of us, I’d say indefinitely. But British physiology limits what I can do. Sherlock’s body is more dependent on that tremendous brain for life support.
LESTRADE: Then we’ll take him with us.
WATSON: Take him? Take him where?
LESTRADE: In search of his brain, Doctor. From what you say, the moment we find it we must restore it to his body, or we lose him.
WATSON: Lestrade, where are you going to look? In this whole galaxy, where are you going to look for Sherlock’s brain? How are you going to find it?
LESTRADE: I’ll find it.
WATSON: Even if you do, I can’t restore it. I don’t have the medical technique.
LESTRADE: It was taken out. It can be put back in.
WATSON: But I don’t know how.
LESTRADE: The thief that took it has the knowledge. I’ll force it out of her.
WATSON: If you don’t find it in twenty four hours, you’d better forget the whole thing, Sherlock.
LESTRADE: You and Sgt Donovan have Sherlock ready.

[Bridge]

MOLLY: I’ve got it again. An ion trail matching when we first saw her.
LESTRADE: Where does the trail lead to?
ANDERSON: System Sigma Draconis.
LESTRADE: Lock on, Molly. Maximum speed.
MOLLY: Warp six.
LESTRADE: No question about the trail?
MOLLY: No mistake, sir.

Lestrade’s log, stardate 5431.4. for fifteen hours and twenty minutes we have been following the ion trail of the spaceship that has Sherlock’s brain. Time left to us, eight hours and forty minutes.

[Bridge]

MOLLY: Lestrade, I’ve lost the trail.
LESTRADE: All scanners, extreme sweep.
MRS. HUDSON: Aye, sir.
LESTRADE: Well?
ANDERSON: Nothing, sir.
MRS. HUDSON: No signal at all, Lestrade.
MOLLY: It’s gone, sir. A sudden deaction shift.
LESTRADE: We’ve lost her trail, but she went into that system. Mister Anderson, put a schematic of Sigma Draconis on the screen.
ANDERSON: Aye, Lestrade.
LESTRADE: Read out, Mister Anderson?
ANDERSON: Sun, spectral type, Gamma nine. Nine planets, three of them, Class M possessing sapient life according to reports and long-range scanning.
LESTRADE: She was breathing our air. She must’ve gone to one of them. Show us the three Class-M planets. Mister Anderson.
(Anderson gets up and goes to the viewscreen to point out the relevant items.)
ANDERSON: The one on the left, number three, rates letter B on the industrial scale.
LESTRADE: Earth equivalent approximately 1485.
ANDERSON: Yes, sir. Second planet Class M, number four, rates letter G.
LESTRADE: The year 2030.
MOLLY: But that ship, Lestrade, either it was many years ahead of us or the most incredible design fluke in history.
LESTRADE: Third Class M planet, Mister Anderson.
ANDERSON: Number six. No sign of industrial development. At last report, in a Glacial Age. Sapient life plentiful, but on a most primitive level.
LESTRADE: Now. as I understand it, Mister Anderson, there are three Class-M planets,
ANDERSON: Yes, sir.
LESTRADE: Not one of which is capable of launching an interstellar flight,
ANDERSON: No, sir.
LESTRADE: Yet one of them accomplished it.
ANDERSON: Yes, sir.
LESTRADE: Thank you, Mister Anderson.
MRS. HUDSON: Lestrade, I’m picking up high energy generation on planet six.
LESTRADE: That’s the primitive glaciated planet.
ANDERSON: Yes, sir.
LESTRADE: The source of it?
MRS. HUDSON: It could be natural. Volcanic activity, steam, any number of causes. But it’s very regular.
LESTRADE: What do your surface readings show, Mister Anderson?
ANDERSON: No sign of organised civilization. Primitive humanoids picked up at irregular intervals.
LESTRADE: With regular pulsations of generated energy?
ANDERSON: I can’t explain it, sir.
LESTRADE: I can’t afford to guess wrong. I’ve got to choose the right planet, get there, find the brain. Eight hours and thirty five minutes.
LESTRADE: Recommendations, Mister Anderson.
ANDERSON: Sigma Draconis Three. It’s closest, heaviest population.
MOLLY: But a technological rating of only three. They couldn’t possibly have put that ship we saw into space.
ANDERSON: None of these planets could.
MOLLY: I say planet four, Lestrade. At least planet four is ahead of three technologically.
LESTRADE: But advanced ion propulsion is beyond even our capabilities. It’d be a miracle if they had developed it.
MRS. HUDSON: What would they want with his brain? What would they want with Sherlock’s brain? What use is it?
LESTRADE: Yes.
MRS. HUDSON: Why do they want it?
LESTRADE: Yes. Why would they want it? Eight hours and thirty four minutes. Planet six is glaciated, you say?
ANDERSON: Several thousand years at least. Only the tropical zone is ice-free.
LESTRADE: But the energy. Regular. It’s there. It’s real.
MRS. HUDSON: Yes, sir. It doesn’t make sense, but it’s there.
LESTRADE: Have the transporter room stand by. I’m taking a landing party down to planet six.
MRS. HUDSON: Aye, aye, sir.
MOLLY: A hunch, Lestrade?
LESTRADE: A hunch, Molly.
ANDERSON: What if you guess wrong, Lestrade?
LESTRADE: If I guess wrong, Sherlock is dead. Sherlock will die.

Lestrade’s log, stardate 4351.5. We are beaming down to a primitive glaciated planet in the Sigma Draconis star system. Time left to us to find Sherlock’s brain, eight hours and twenty nine minutes.

[Planet surface]

(Lestrade, Sgt Donovan, Anderson and two security guards beam onto the rocky planet.)
LESTRADE: Suit temperatures to seventy two. Life-form readings, Sherlock? (gets a look) Sgt Donovan?
SGT DONOVAN: Scattered. Widely spaced. Humanoid, all right. On the large side.
LESTRADE: Watch out. We know their development is primitive.
SGT DONOVAN: Aye.
LESTRADE: Read out, Anderson.
ANDERSON: No structures, Lestrade. No mechanized objects that I can read. No surface consumption or generation of energy. Atmosphere is perfectly all right, of course. Temperature, a high maximum of forty. Livable.
LESTRADE: You have a thick skin.
SGT DONOVAN: Lestrade! There’s someone, something out there in the rocks. Five of them. Humanoid, large.
LESTRADE: Phasers on stun. I want them conscious.
(The group of bearded, skin clad males with clubs move carefully towards the Starfleet party.)
LESTRADE: Fire only on my signal. Flank out.
(The primitives suddenly leap up from behind rocks, throwing stones and their clubs. Lestrade fires, and stuns the leader. The rest run away.)
LESTRADE: We mean you no harm. We’re not your enemies, we’re your friends. We only wish to talk to you.
MOFFAT: You are not the Others?
LESTRADE: No. We come from a far place. We are men.
MOFFAT: Men?
LESTRADE: Like yourselves.
MOFFAT: You are small, like the Others.
LESTRADE: Who are the Others?
MOFFAT: Givers of pain and delight.
LESTRADE: Do they live here with you?
MOFFAT: No. They come. They give pain and delight.
LESTRADE: Do they come from the sky?
MOFFAT: They are here. You will see. The Others will come for you. They come for all like us.
LESTRADE: Do they come for your women as well?
MOFFAT: Women?
LESTRADE: The female of your kind.
MOFFAT: Your words say nothing.
LESTRADE: Don’t you have a mate?
MOFFAT: Mate?
SGT DONOVAN: A companion.
LESTRADE: Will you take us where we can find the Others?
MOFFAT: (afraid) No one wants to find them.
LESTRADE: We do. We want to find them. Take us there and we’ll let you go.
ANDERSON: Sherlock, five hundred metres in that direction there’s a foundation under the surface. A huge one. Registrations all over the place.
LESTRADE: Buildings?
ANDERSON: Yes, sir. Immensely old, completely buried. But they were here once.
LESTRADE: Somewhere down there is where the Others live. Sgt Donovan, see if you can find a way down.
SGT DONOVAN: Aye, sir.
MOFFAT: No! No! No, do not go there! No! No!
LESTRADE: It’s all right.
(He struggles briefly with the Moffat, who escapes and runs off.)
LESTRADE: It’s all right. Let him go.
ANDERSON: What could the Others do to cause such terror?
LESTRADE: What was it he said, pain and delight?
ANDERSON: A peculiar mixture.
LESTRADE: A dead and buried city on a planet in a glacial age.
ANDERSON: And the male humanoid who doesn’t know the meaning of the word female.
SGT DONOVAN [OC]: Lestrade!

[Cave entrance]

SGT DONOVAN: Over here, sir. There’s food in there and a whole pile of other stuff. A storehouse for our muscular friends.
(They step inside carefully.)

[Cave]

LESTRADE: I don’t think so. Sgt Donovan.
(There is a pair of photoelectric cells creating an invisible trip wire across the front of the supplies.)
LESTRADE: Metal. Forged, tempered. Our apish friends didn’t make these. What do you think?
SGT DONOVAN: It could be a warning device to keep those creatures away from the food.
LESTRADE: Or the food could be a lure set by the Others to bring them in here.
SGT DONOVAN: In that case, the beam would be a signal.
LESTRADE: And this cave a trap.
ANDERSON: If it will trap the creatures for the Others, Lestrade, won’t it trap us, too?
LESTRADE: Exactly.

[Cave entrance]

LESTRADE: Lestrade to 221B Baker Street.
MRS. HUDSON [OC]: 221B Baker Street. Mrs. Hudson here.
LESTRADE: Have Doctor Watson beam down immediately.
MRS. HUDSON [OC]: Aye, sir.
LESTRADE: Mister Anderson, you and the security team will remain here at the entrance. We’ll be in constant contact with you.
ANDERSON: Aye, sir.
(Watson and Sherlock beam down. Sherlock is in a brown overall, and has a device on his head. Watson is holding a remote control unit with coloured buttons. He presses one and Sherlock turns left to face us.)
LESTRADE: All right, Sacker. Bring him along.
SGT DONOVAN: Keep him close to the right.

[Cave]

LESTRADE: Ready?
(He steps across the beam and a metal shutter slams down, sealing the cave entrance. The ‘elevator room’ drops rapidly.)
WATSON: Call Anderson and tell him to send my stomach down.

[Cave entrance]

ANDERSON: It might be a long wait. We may as well be comfortable.
(He uses his phaser to heat a rock, and they warm their hands in its glow.)

[Cave]

LESTRADE: Phasers on stun.
SGT DONOVAN: Lestrade, that power we picked up above, we’re getting closer.
LESTRADE: A lot of it?
SGT DONOVAN: Enough to push this planet out of orbit.
LESTRADE: What source?
SGT DONOVAN: Either a nuclear pile a hundred miles across or
LESTRADE: Or what?
SGT DONOVAN: Ion power.
LESTRADE: We’re slowing down.
(The door opens, and there is a woman in yellow in the corridor. She reaches to her wrist band, but Lestrade stuns her first. He takes her wrist band.)

[Corridor]

LESTRADE: Is she all right?
WATSON: I’ll have her talking in a minute.
KITTY: You do not belong here. You are not Moffat.
LESTRADE: Who’s in charge? I wish to speak to him.
KITTY: Him? What is him?
LESTRADE: What have you done with Sherlock’s brain? Where’ve you taken it?
KITTY: You are not Moffat or Sherlocked. I know nothing about a brain.
LESTRADE: You’re lying!
WATSON: She’s not, Lestrade. No change in reading. She doesn’t know.
LESTRADE: (to Sgt Donovan) See what you can pick up on your communicator.
SGT DONOVAN: Aye.
LESTRADE: We don’t want to hurt you. What is this place?
KITTY: This place is here.
LESTRADE: Who are you?
KITTY: I am Kitty. I am Sherlocked. You are not Sherlocked. You are not Moffat. What are you?
WATSON: Lestrade, it’s no use. You’ll get nothing out of that one. Hers is the mind of a child.
SGT DONOVAN: Lestrade, I’ve got something, but I can’t quite get a fix on it.
(Kitty tries to get away, but Watson grabs her.)
SHERLOCK [OC]: Fascinating. Activity without end, but with no volition.
LESTRADE: Sherlock, is that you?
SHERLOCK [OC]: Lestrade? Greg Lestrade?
LESTRADE: Yes, Sherlock. Yes.
SHERLOCK [OC]: Lestrade, there is a definite pleasurable experience connected with the hearing of your voice.
WATSON: Where are you, Sherlock?
SHERLOCK [OC]: Is that you, Doctor Watson, and are you with Sergeant?
WATSON: Where else would I be?
SGT DONOVAN: Sherlock, where are you?
SHERLOCK [OC]: Engineer Sgt Donovan as well. Unfortunately, I do not know where I am.
LESTRADE: We’ll get you, Sherlock. It won’t be long.
SHERLOCK [OC]: A practical idea, Lestrade. It seems unlikely that I shall be able to get to you.
LESTRADE: Quickly!
(They head off down the corridor, Sgt Donovan controlling Sherlock’s body. Then around a corner comes a woman in purple with two Moffat in uniforms.)
LESTRADE: There she is. That’s the one. What have you done with Sherlock’s brain?
(The woman in purple uses her wrist band to knock out the men. Only Sherlock is left standing.)

Lestrade ‘s Log, stardate 5431.6. Immediately after making contact with Sherlock’s brain, Doctor Watson, Engineer Sgt Donovan, and myself were taken prisoner inside a highly complex civilization hundreds of meters below the surface of planet Sigma Draconis Seven. The primitive creature we encountered above warned us about the givers of pain and delight and the frightening consequences of being captured by them.

[Council room]

(Kitty and other women are present, and occasionally giving pieces of food to the men standing around. Our landing party are still unconscious, and sitting on stools. The woman in purple comes in, and four women sit at the L shaped table. She presses the green button twice, and they wake up. All the men have belts with green buckles on them.)
IRENE: What are you? Why are you here? You have something to speak?
LESTRADE: What have you done with Sherlock’s brain?
IRENE: We do not know Sherlock.
LESTRADE: This is Sherlock. You saw him on the ship. You have his brain. It must be restored to him immediately. What have you done with it?
IRENE: Ah, yes, brain. You spoke to Kitty also of brain, but we do not understand.
LESTRADE: I do not know about Kitty, but you were on the 221B Baker Street. I saw you.
IRENE: I do not know these things you speak of.
LESTRADE: You came to my ship!
IRENE: We know only here below and here above. This is our place. You are not Moffat. You are stranger.
LESTRADE: I saw you on my ship.
WATSON: Sherlock, she may not remember or even really know. Disassociation could be complete. It doesn’t seem possible she could have performed surgery on Sherlock.
LESTRADE: No, it doesn’t.
IRENE: You hurt Kitty. It is not permitted again to hurt anyone.
LESTRADE: Sorry. We don’t want to hurt anyone.
IRENE: If you wish to return to your home, you may go.
LESTRADE: No. We’ll stay here and learn about you and tell you of us.
WATSON: Yes, for instance, above it’s cold and harsh. And below, it’s warm. The air is fresh.
SGT DONOVAN: Aye. There’s no sun, but there’s light.
LESTRADE: I wish to talk to those in charge.
IRENE: In charge?
LESTRADE: Yes, the organizers, the managers. The leader of your people.
IRENE: I am leader. There is no other.
SGT DONOVAN: That’s impossible. Who built the machines?
WATSON: Who are the doctors? Who operates?
LESTRADE: Who controls this complex?
IRENE: Control? Control?
LESTRADE: Yes, the control. The control. Who controls? I would like to meet, to see him.
IRENE: No. It is not permitted. Never! Internet is alone, apart. We serve Internet. No other is permitted near.
LESTRADE: We intend no harm.
IRENE: You have come to destroy us.
LESTRADE: No, no, no. I promise you.
WATSON: We just want to talk to somebody about Sherlock’s brain. That’s all.
IRENE: Brain and brain! What is brain? It is Internet, is it not?
WATSON: Yes. Yes, in a way it is. The human brain controls the individual’s functions.
LESTRADE: Sacker. Sgt Donovan. Sherlock’s brain controls
WATSON: It’s not possible.
LESTRADE: Great leader. Great leader! (He kneels in front of Irene.) We come from a far place to learn from your Control.
IRENE: You lie! You know me. You have said that. You came to take back the Control.
LESTRADE: He is our friend. You must take us to him. We beg you. Soon it will be too late.
KITTY: Do not take them, Irene. Do not take them to the Control.
IRENE: They will be prevented.
LESTRADE: You must take us.
(A single press of the green button and they collapse, writhing in agony.)
IRENE: I must learn what to do. (to Kitty) Come with me. You will keep them here.
GUARD: Yes, mistress.
(The women – sorry, Sherlocked – leave.)

221B Baker Street’s log. Lieutenant Molly recording. I am holding the 221B Baker Street in orbit about planet Sigma Draconis Seven. Greg Lestrade’s hunch that Sherlock’s brain is on this planet appears to be correct. Ensign Anderson remains on the surface to act as liaison between Lestrade and 221B Baker Street.

{Council room]

LESTRADE: I never felt anything like that. Every nerve in my body was on fire.
WATSON: I wouldn’t believe the human organism could take such pain.
SGT DONOVAN: These are on to stay for a while. Must be a magnetic lock of some kind.
LESTRADE: No wonder the Moffats are so obedient, and terrified.
(A Moffat blocks the doorway.)
LESTRADE: How is this place kept functioning by the primitive minds we’ve met?
(Their equipment is laid out on a table, but another Moffat stops Lestrade getting to it.)
SGT DONOVAN: Those women could never have set up anything as complex as this has to be. Why, that takes engineering genius. But there’s no sign of engineering genius in any of those women.
LESTRADE: They were smart enough to invent these training devices. What a way to maintain control over a man.
SGT DONOVAN: Pain and delight, he said up above.
WATSON: I’m sure you noticed the delight aspect of this place.
LESTRADE: Yes, I certainly did notice those delightful aspects. But that too was strictly under command of the women.
SGT DONOVAN: How does Sherlock’s brain fit into this?
LESTRADE: With a communicator, we might be able to find out. This fellow is keeping us from our property.
SGT DONOVAN: Isn’t there a way to correct that situation?
LESTRADE: I certainly think that science might provide an answer.
WATSON: It does, Lestrade.
LESTRADE: Agreed, Doctor.
(Lestrade hits the Moffat by the table while Sgt Donovan and Watson take on the one by the door. It isn’t easy, but finally Lestrade triumphs.)
LESTRADE: Science will triumph. Come on, Sgt Donovan. Sacker, give them something to keep them out for a while. (into communicator) Sherlock. Sherlock. Come on, Sherlock. Sherlock, you were on this frequency, Sherlock.
SHERLOCK [OC]: Yes, Lestrade, I am still here. Have you returned to 221B Baker Street?
LESTRADE: No. We might be able to locate you, if you gave us some idea of what they were using you for. Is it medical?
SHERLOCK [OC]: I am not certain. I seem to have a body which stretches into infinity.
SGT DONOVAN: Body? Why, you have none.
SHERLOCK [OC]: Then what am l?
WATSON: You are a disembodied brain.
SHERLOCK [OC]: Fascinating. It could explain much, Doctor. My medulla oblongata is hard at work apparently breathing, apparently pumping blood, apparently maintaining a normal physiologic temperature.
LESTRADE: Sherlock, we don’t have time for that.
SHERLOCK [OC]: Why are you endangering your lives by coming here?
LESTRADE: We came to put you back. Where are you?
SHERLOCK [OC]: Back where?
LESTRADE: Back into your body. We brought it along with us.
SHERLOCK [OC]: Thoughtful, Lestrade, but probably impractical. While I might trust the doctor to remove a splinter or lance a boil, I do not believe he has the knowledge to restore a brain.
WATSON: Thank you.
SHERLOCK [OC]: No denigration intended, Doctor Watson. That skill does not yet exist in the galaxy.
LESTRADE: The skill to remove it exists right where we are. Restoring it must also be possible. That’s why we’ve got to get to you as quickly as we can.
SHERLOCK [OC]: Lestrade, I appreciate the risks you are taking on my behalf, but I must insist they are worthwhile only if there is a reasonable chance for success. Let me ask you, how much time has elapsed since
LESTRADE: Eighteen hours and twelve minutes.
SHERLOCK [OC]: Doctor Watson must’ve told you that twenty four hours is the maximum my body can
WATSON: I told him.
LESTRADE: That leaves us exactly five hours and forty eight minutes, Sherlock.
SHERLOCK [OC]: It does seem all too brief a time to develop such skills, does it not?
LESTRADE: Yes. Very brief. That’s why we must get to you immediately. Beam us a signal so we can home in on you.
SHERLOCK [OC]: Acknowledged.
SGT DONOVAN: Got it.
LESTRADE: Sacker. (Sherlock’s body stands up and they walk out of the room)

[Corridor]

LESTRADE: Oh, Sherlock, one question.
SHERLOCK [OC]: Yes, Lestrade.
LESTRADE: We’ve got pain-giving devices attached to us. Can you tell us how to get them off.
SHERLOCK [OC]: I shall give it top priority.
(They walk along.)
SHERLOCK [OC]: Lestrade, I have an answer for you. It seems your pain bands are manually controlled. The red button on a bracelet releases them. I know that does not make much sense.
LESTRADE: Oh, yes it does, Sherlock. (further along) Keep concentrating, Sherlock. Keep concentrating, Sherlock.
SGT DONOVAN: Must be in there, Lestrade.

[Control Room]

(Irene is in there, with her back to the door. She hears them enter, and gives them pain.)
WATSON: Lestrade.. Sherlock. No pain.
(Lestrade manages to get to the control box that Watson dropped and get Sherlock’s body to walk over to Irene.)
IRENE: No. Go away.
(Sherlock holds her wrists, then finally presses the red button. The belts fly off.)
IRENE: We will die. You must not take the Internet away. We will all die. The Control is young and powerful. Perfect!
SHERLOCK [OC]: How very flattering.
IRENE: You will give life to my people for ten thousand years to come.
LESTRADE: You’ll find another Conrol.
IRENE: The old one is finished! There is no other than this and will not be another for ten thousand years.
LESTRADE: Sherlock, you’re in a black box tied in with light rays into a complex control panel.
SHERLOCK [OC]: Fascinating.
LESTRADE: You say you’re breathing, pumping blood, maintaining temperature? Is it possible that you’re re-circulating air, running heating plants, purifying water?
SHERLOCK [OC]: Indeed, Lestrade. That is unquestionably part of what I am doing.
IRENE: He must stay. He must stay!
LESTRADE: He will not stay. (He makes Sherlock release her, and grabs her himself, taking off her bracelet.) Now, you took his brain. You will put it back. How did you do it?
IRENE: I do not know.
WATSON: She couldn’t, Lestrade. Her mind is functioning on a very simple level. Mental faculties here seem to be almost atrophied because of non-use.
LESTRADE: She was on the 221B Baker Street. She must have done it. How did you do it?
IRENE: It was the old knowledge.
LESTRADE: How do you get the old knowledge?
IRENE: I put upon my head the IPhone.
LESTRADE: What is the IPhone?
IRENE: The great IPhone of all the ancient knowledge.
(There is a transparent helmet with what look like a whole lot of syringes sticking through it.)
SHERLOCK [OC]: If I may explain, Lestrade. She refers to the cell storehouse of knowledge of the builders of this place. I scan it. A most impressive store.
LESTRADE: How does it work? Show us.
IRENE; I cannot.
LESTRADE: You must tell us.
IRENE: I cannot. Only by command of Microsoft may I understand.
LESTRADE: How does it work? Show us! We’ll protect you.
SHERLOCK [OC]: It is a device with feeding circuits. They lead into the mind of the priestess leader. Its use is strictly predetermined by the builders.
(Lestrade forces her into the helmet.)
IRENE: No! The knowledge is forbidden! I must not know the secret! I will be punished!
(A control panel comes on and she goes quiet.)
IRENE: (confident, assured) Gentlemen, the Control’s explanation of the functioning of the Teacher is essentially correct. However, he is giving no credit to me. I provide the means whereby the knowledge is used. Without me, Lestrade
WATSON: Without you there could be no delicate miracle that kept Sherlock’s brain alive.
IRENE: Thank you, Doctor. That was very gracious.
WATSON: Yes. From the very first, I appreciated your ability.
IRENE: Good, Lestrade. Then you also appreciate that without the Teacher, I would not have the knowledge to use that which you have thoughtfully provided.
(She points a phaser at him.)
SGT DONOVAN: That phaser is set to kill.
IRENE: So it is. That is the knowledge you have brought me. Do not move. If your weapon kills, it will kill you.
LESTRADE: We’re not the first to bring you the knowledge of killing. If you continue, you’ll kill Sherlock.
IRENE: The Control die? The Control will live for ten thousand years, and we shall give him all our devotion.
LESTRADE: But Sherlock will be dead. His body’s dying this minute.
IRENE: Why do you not understand that the need of my people for their Control is greater than your need for your friend.
LESTRADE: No one may kill a man. Not for any purpose. It cannot be condoned.
(He reaches for the phaser.)
IRENE: Do not! I do not know killing. I do not wish to kill.
(Sgt Donovan groans and faints, distracting her so Lestrade can grab the phaser.)
IRENE: The commandment must be fulfilled.
LESTRADE: You must help us. When you came to the ship, you had the knowledge. Yet, when we came here, you didn’t.
IRENE: Correct.
LESTRADE: How long does the knowledge last?
IRENE: Three of your hours.
WATSON: It would be just enough time.
LESTRADE: If you had the knowledge, could you restore what you’ve taken?
IRENE: I would not.
LESTRADE: You must help us. You must restore with that knowledge what you have taken.
IRENE: No!
LESTRADE: You must put back what you have taken.
IRENE: I will not betray my people. The Internet will stay.
WATSON: Greg, it worked for her. It might work for me.
SHERLOCK [OC]: She is an alien. The configurations of her brain are different. It could cause irreparable damage to your human brain, Doctor.
WATSON: I’m a surgeon already. If I could learn these techniques, I might be able to retain them.
SHERLOCK [OC]: Lestrade, you might lose the doctor that way.
WATSON: He might, but we’re sure to lose you if I don’t try.
SHERLOCK [OC]: I cannot allow you to jeopardize your life for me.
WATSON: Sherlock, didn’t you hear? I might be able to retain and bring these techniques to the world. Sherlock, isn’t it worth that risk? Wouldn’t you insist upon taking such a risk yourself?
LESTRADE: Go ahead, Doctor. Put the Teacher on.
IRENE: No!
(Watson goes over to the device, and Lestrade adjusts it onto his head. Watson winces in pain as knowledge is fed into his brain, then falls to his knees.)
WATSON: Of course. Of course. A child could do it. A child could do it.

Lestrade’s log, Stardate 5432.3. Doctor Watson is proceeding to restore Sherlock’s brain. Our problem, we do not know how long his increased surgical knowledge will stay with him. Any additional attempt to use the teaching device is impossible. It would kill my medical officer.

[Control room]

(The top of Sherlock’s head is concealed by a wall, which Watson is working behind.)
SGT DONOVAN: I’ve never seen anything like it. He’s operating at warp speed. I’d like a try at that teacher myself.
IRENE: You will have him back and we will be destroyed.
LESTRADE: No. You won’t be destroyed. You’ll be without your Control for the first time, but you’ll be much better off, I think.
IRENE: We will die.
LESTRADE: No, you’ll live and develop as you should have. All this shouldn’t have been done for you. Now the women here below and the men here above will control together.
IRENE: They will not help us without the pain.
LESTRADE: There are other ways. You’ll discover them. You must move to the surface, you understand.
IRENE: We will die above in the cold.
LESTRADE: No, you won’t. You’ll learn to build houses, to keep warm, to work. We’ll help you for a while. Humans have survived under worse conditions. It’s a matter of evolution. You’ll be fine.
(Watson is starting to pause and think.)
SGT DONOVAN: Lestrade!
LESTRADE: What is it?
SGT DONOVAN: He’s forgetting.
WATSON: I can’t. I
LESTRADE: Sacker? Sacker?
WATSON: All the ganglia, the nerves. There are a million of them. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?
LESTRADE: Sacker, you can’t stop now.
WATSON: I’m trying to thread a needle with a sledgehammer. What am I supposed to do? I can’t remember. I don’t remember.
LESTRADE: Sacker?
WATSON: No one can restore a brain.
LESTRADE: You could. A while ago it was child’s play.

Lestrades’s log, supplemental. Our race against time to save Sherlock’s life may prove futile. Doctor Watson has lost the surgical knowledge he obtained from the teacher. He has been drawing on his own skills and surgical techniques in an attempt to continue the operation, but he is faltering and uncertain. In a desperate hope that he can draw on Sherlock’s brain for assistance, I instructed Doctor Watson to give priority to connecting Sherlock’s vocal chords.

[Control room]

LESTRADE: Well?
WATSON: He’s dying, and I can’t stop it.
SHERLOCK: (hoarse) Yes. Doctor Watson.
WATSON: Sherlock?
SHERLOCK: If you will finish reconnecting my speech centre, I might be able to help.
WATSON: Speech centre.
SHERLOCK: Yes. That’s correct. One thing at a time. Ah, ah, mmm. (normal voice) That’s better. Now, Doctor. Try the sonic separator.
WATSON: Sonic separator.
SHERLOCK: Yes, I believe I already have some sensation of feeling. Please stimulate the nerve endings and observe the physical reactions, one by one. In each case, I shall tell you when the probe is correct. You will then seal using the tri-laser connector.
WATSON: Tri-laser connector. Ready?
SHERLOCK: Ready.
WATSON: Right forefinger.
SHERLOCK: (twitching) Correct.
WATSON: Right wrist.
SHERLOCK: Correct.
WATSON: Right elbow.
SHERLOCK: Correct. Very good, Doctor.
WATSON: I’ll never live this down. This Britain is telling me how to operate.
(Later)
WATSON: Closed.
LESTRADE: Well?
WATSON: How do I know? I could have made a thousand mistakes. Sealing nerve endings, joining ganglia. The fluid balance is correct, but I don’t know.
(Sherlock sits up and stretches.)
SHERLOCK: Congratulations, Doctor. And thank you.
LESTRADE: How do you feel, Sherlock?
SHERLOCK: On the whole, Lestrade, I believe I am quite fit. Fascinating. A remarkable example of a retrograde civilization. At the peak, advanced beyond any of our capabilities and now operating at this primitive level which you saw. And it all began thousands of years ago when a glacial age reoccurred. This underground complex was developed for the women. The men remained above, and a male-female schism took place. A fascinating cultural development of a kind which never
WATSON: I knew it was wrong. I shouldn’t have done it.
LESTRADE: What’s that?
WATSON: I should have never reconnected his mouth.
(A slanted eyebrow hits the ceiling.)
LESTRADE: Well, we took the risk, Doctor.
SHERLOCK: (to Irene, amid laughter) As I was saying, a fascinating cultural development of the kind which hasn’t been seen in ages. The last such occurrence took place on old Earth, when the Romans were warring with the ….

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